Widow Wise

Online connection provides great relief for widows of all ages

LisaBeatty — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:17:00 GMT

There's a great article in USA Today about the variety of ways women of all ages are coping with widowhood. Some have taken up running. Others have turned online to blogging and other social networking sites. Be sure and check out Camp Widow and the Fresh Widow.

Journaling: A Path to Clarity and Strength

sarahsings — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:49:00 GMT

Life likes to throw curve balls, there's not doubt about it. When I'm in the middle of an intense experience -- loss of family members or some unexpected change of circumstance -- I think there's no way I'm going to forget how I feel. Every detail is so vivid that I say to myself, "I'll always remember this." But of course, that's not always the case.

Pivotal events in our lives deserve to be examined and the details kept. So a few years ago, I started journaling. I find it really helps me focus, to clarify my thoughts and feelings as I careen down the uncertain path that is my life. It also helps me stay clear about what I want to communicate to others. Journaling gives me a certain strength.

How to get started if you're not a natural born writer? Therapist Kathleen Adams, in "Managing Grief Through Journal Writing" has a list of tips for "journaling your way through grief." (Actually, they're good for writing your way through any big life event.) While she's clear there are no rules, her insightful suggestions can provide a framework within which to work. There are simple tips, like setting aside a small chunk of time daily to write, and more advanced suggestions, such as:

"When you are aching with longing for your loved one, write 'Captured Moments' --brief vignettes .... like impressionistic sketches, of instants of time. Make them intense with vivid descriptions. Reach for sensory details --the sight, smell, touch, taste, feel of things.... A collection of Captured Moments becomes like a written photo album, preserving precious memories for all time."

"AlphaPoems are an easy and structured way to get started with poetic expression. Write the alphabet, or the letters of any word or phrase, vertically down the side of your page. Then write a poem in which each successive line begins with the next letter on the page." (She gives an example of this one.)

I like Adams' idea of a "written photo album," don't you? Do you journal, and if so, do you find it beneficial or a chore? Have any special writing techniques to share?

The Power of a Compliment

sarahsings — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:19:00 GMT

Sometimes a magazine offers so much to inspire, that you can continue reading it months after you first bought it. That's the way it's been for me with the August issue of Real Simple. It's October and I'm still inspired by author Anne Roiphe's brief but moving piece about a compliment her husband paid her 10 days before his death. His four small words provided a "beauty potion" she will carry with her as long as she lives. You can read the article here to learn what the compliment was. It's Roiphe's discussion of inner beauty that moved me:

"I don’t believe that inner beauty is sufficient in this cruel world. That’s the pap one tells a child. I don’t believe that positive thinking improves your skin tone or that loving or being loved changes the shape of your nose or restores the thickness and color of hair, but I do know that there is a way of being beautiful, even as age takes its toll, that has something to do with the spirit filling with joy, something to do with the union with another human being, with the sense of having done well at something enormously important..."

Read more of Roiphe's words at www.realsimple.com.

Find Your Fashion Niche With These New Old Brands

sarahsings — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Individuals aren't the only folks feeling the need to reinvent themselves these days. Whether it's restaurants, car companies or clothing stores, brands are feeling the pressure to reinvent themselves in an effort to stay relevant and curry favor with the consumer. Gap, Ann Taylor, even Talbots and New York & Co. are finding a new edge with elevated color palettes, added textures and redefined shapes.

Affordable and chic...just in time to refresh our wardrobes for fall! Enjoy the details here or pick up the October issue of O the Oprah Magazine.

Encore! Encore!

sarahsings — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:16:00 GMT

Ever heard the phrase "encore career"? I literally stumbled onto this phrase, and the organization that apparently coined it -- Civic Ventures -- while doing some online research yesterday.

Civic Ventures is a think tank whose goal is to " engage millions of boomers in encore careers, providing personal fulfillment doing paid work and producing a windfall of human talent to solve society's greatest problems," according to their website www.encore.org. The website provides lots of useful information and resources for those who want to "recareer" by moving into nonprofit or public sector work.

Check out the story of Dee Meinhold who went from being the VP of a California auto club to being a certified caregiver working on behalf of people with dementia and Alzheimer.

There are many more inspiring stories of personal and civic adventure as well as resources for exploring a new career path, even connections to potential employers. If you're looking for a rewarding second (or even third?) career, www.encore.org could be just the place to start.

This Biggest Loser is a HUGE inspiration

Elizabeth — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:41:00 GMT

Meet Abby. She lost not only her husband, but her 5 year old daughter and 19 day old son in a tragic car accident in 2006. Her story is heart-wrenching, but her determination is awe-inspiring.

Watch Her Video Here: http://www.nbc.com/the-biggest-loser/video/clips/meet-abby/1153221/

Laughter: it really is the best medicine.

sarahsings — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:09:00 GMT

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." So goes an Irish proverb, a twist on the famous adage "Laughter is the best medicine."
There's also "What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. "(Yiddish Proverb) and my favorite, "Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face." (Victor Hugo)

It turns out there's actual science behind these observations. Psychology Today reports "Since the late 1980s, a number of studies support the idea that laughter stimulates the immune system and counteracts the effects of stress hormones..."

Research confirms that laughter triggers more beneficial responses within the body than just releasing endorphins. Getting the giggles can act as a pain reliever, regulate blood sugar and promote cardio-vascular health. Laughter can even promote the production of melatonin, a relaxation hormone, in nursing mothers. So go ahead --crack yourself up! Whether it's a giggle or a guffaw, laughter may just be the easiest and cheapest way to combat the stresses of life. Find out more at:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200805/body-evidence-laughing-stock and http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200504/laughter-the-best-medicine.

Sharing your story

Vickie — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:57:00 GMT

I've been a widow for 8-1/2 years. The first few years I didn't hesitate to tell people I met that I was a widow as I was still in shock of it all. After a while I decided that I wouldn't share that I was widow unless I was asked if I was married. A few weeks back I realized that sharing my story and my status of being a widow is okay.

I had been attending a bible study at the church that I've been attending for the past 6 months. I didn't share personal details about me with the group even though its a small group of about 18 ladies of all walks of life and all different ages. Only my two friends that were attending the study knew anything more about me than my name. About three weeks ago that changed. In our study the relevancy of unexpected changes in life came up. For me, becoming a widow at 29 was the most unexpected change that affected me and I felt comfortable to bring it up.

After the study, an older woman who had been married 54 years came up to me and thanked me for sharing my story. She had lost her husband 3 years ago but was still feeling the pain and anger associated with his death. That moment made a difference to me as I never thought that I could help someone or give someone comfort by sharing my story.

I'm not going to tell every person I meet my story but now I know that it's okay to share. I don't believe I'm the "poster child" of how to move forward after the death of the spouse but for the first time I actually believe that I've done an okay job of it.

Widows Wear Stilettos Part II

brookeo — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:28:00 GMT

After sharing Carole Brody Fleet’s CD “Widows Wear Stilettos,” I was curious who she was. I decided to do some research and found that she lost her husband to Lou Gehrig’s disease after 5 years of marriage. She couldn’t find the help or resources she was looking for so she set her sights on creating a resource to help other widows. Not only is Carole’s CD in stores now, she has a book is coming out in the fall. Check out this interview on Good Morning America to learn more about Carole.

Mr. Delicious

Jen Ross — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:04:00 GMT

When my mom comes to stay with me she loves to get up early and walk down to the little coffee shop up the street for her morning coffee and newspaper. Well, one morning she happen to catch someone's eye, a little old man, who at first glance she thought...now doesn't he seem sweet. Ha! When he passed by her he told her she looked delicious! Coffee came out her nose and she almost fell out of her chair. She was so stunned first by being hit on and second by this little innocent old man's choice of words. She scurried home and told me the story and her first question was what does he mean by delicious? So, I sat her down and gave her the daughter mother talk about boys! (So funny how roles reverse after a certain age). She's a beautiful woman and men are going to find her attractive so I told her to be prepared next time and think about some canned responses. This way she won't get so caught off guard.

Anyone have some great come backs for Mr. Delicious and men like him?

Re: widow wise

Jen Ross — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:19:25 GMT

This is good Mom. Hopefully some other newly widowed women will be comforted by what you share here in Widow Wise. You have a lot of experiences to share and you should.

widow wise

Mary Domaradzki — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:37:15 GMT

I am hear to say that I have recovered from the fear of being alone and learning to handle things I nnever even wanted to think about. I was so busy taking care of a busy family ,working, caring for aging parents ( the list goes on) I never gave those things much thought. Well that came back to bite me in the butt!! The advice to others is to take a more active role in money matters . Give some thought to what is important to you. I'm still trying to figure out what that it is and what I want out of the rest of my life. i spent so much time dong what the family wanted or needed I never thought about what I wanted. Well, know I have the time to do things for my self. It is still a strange feeling. But for sure I have realized my own strenghs and that I can take care of myself. ( most of the time) I have learned to allow others to help me in the areas I am not well informed in. The mother of Jen Ross. Mary

Finding someone who can relate

Vickie — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:00:00 GMT

I often question if I am "normal" in how I am doing with the loss of my husband. I am the only woman I knew that was widowed at 29 and childless. Most of the people with whom I worked or currently attend school are married and have children or younger and just starting their married life. In looking over a website that was forwarded to me about widows for this blog I found widowsbond.com in which there is a widows match. I decided to submit the information they requested thinking that I wouldn't get any matches for a widow who is childless and has been widowed for over 8 years. To my surprise I was sent three contacts. I was hesitant at first to contact the ladies but I did. I have had correspondence with two ladies. I felt an instant connection with them as they can relate to my circumstances. In the eight years since I've entered this sisterhood, I finally didn't feel alone; some one out there knew what I was feeling and I felt somewhat normal.

If you are looking for someone to communicate with about the trials and tribulations of widowhood, you may want to give widowsbond.com a look.

Widows Wear Stilettos

brookeo — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:45:35 GMT

A friend recently shared this great link with me to self-help CD called “Widows Wear Stilettos: What Now?” According to their website, the CD is designed to help those who have been touched by widowhood and who need emotional and practical direction, support and encouragement during the very difficult first weeks and months after the loss of their spouse. It also addresses those who have widowed for a longer period of time, but may feel “stuck” in their grief and need help in moving forward. This unique CD also provides the widowed with a sense of comfort, empowerment and peace as they set out or continue along on their healing journey – and even manages to provide a smile or two!

Overwhelming Finances as a Widow

Jen Ross — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:32:06 GMT

A lot of my Mom's sleepless nights were due to her worrying money, bills, probate, insurance....the list goes on and on. Questions were coming by mail, phone...anyway they could reach her and they were pressuring her to make decisions. She is a smart woman who was still grieving the loss of her husband, sending her youngest off college and trying to navigate her new, unwanted life. She so often said to me who do I trust, call or reach out to to help me through this financial process. It was overwhelming for her so when I came across the book, The Widow's Financial Survival Guide, I thought finally someone gets it. An unbiased, unselfish and much needed reference. Mom was extremely paranoid after my father passed thinking that everyone was out to get something from her. She felt vulnerable in every way. I think this book would have helped her a lot. We made it through but this is a great resource for any woman who has lost her husband.

A Widow For One Year

Jen Ross — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:39:22 GMT

I found this blog the other day and it's a woman who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer, like my Dad, and she decided to blog about it for one year to help her through her grief. Here's a snip of her story but check out her blog. http://stduffy.blogspot.com/

"I married the only man I have ever loved in August 2000. We had seven incredible years together and two beautiful children. On June 1, 2007, the love of my life was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. He was on borrowed time. After surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, two bouts with pneumonia, and paralysis, my husband succumbed to this disease only 4 1/2 months after his diagnosis.

This is my journey through grief and single parenthood and all that goes with it. It's not always pretty, but I refuse to be defined by my grief.

Welcome to my story."

Widow 411

brookeo — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:11:18 GMT

“Widow.com is dedicated to bringing widows and widowers and those who stand ready to help them to one place- a community of understanding and caring.” This great site has advice on how to date again if you are a widow or, if you are dating a widower, how much support to give when to talk about your concerns. Whatever position you are in, this site has a lot of useful information. Let me know what you think. I hope it helps!

Conference for Widows

Vickie — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:22:00 GMT

I was forwarded a website regarding information on widows. I found something very interesting that there is a conference - Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood next month in San Diego. If I weren't on the other side of the country and a full-time student I would be in attendance. There will be speakers on every topic for any widow. Check out the website http://www.sslf.org/ for more information and details about the conference and other services they offer.

To Date Again?

brookeo — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:45:39 GMT

Getting back into the dating scene again after losing a spouse can be hard. This article, 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers, looks very helpful. Let me know what your take on this article is and on dating again.

My Husband's Other Wife

caroline72 — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:07:14 GMT

Get out your tissues. This story written by Emily Yoffe will really tug at your hearstrings....